


A Misshapen Mask

by OhanaHoku



Series: The Raven-Haired Warrior, A Raven-Haired Child [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Soldiers, Childhood Trauma, Conditioning, Gen, Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Merlin Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), One Shot, One Shot Collection, PTSD, Past Child Abuse, Sad Merlin (Merlin), Tattoos, introspective merlin, merlin has issues, part of a series, set in season five
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24431773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhanaHoku/pseuds/OhanaHoku
Summary: He’d felt it happening for a couple years now. How his flawlessly constructed mask was sliding off in tiny increments as Merlin started to lose himself more and more to violence.OrAfter confessing that he had been a child soldier to the others, Merlin thinks about his true identity.
Series: The Raven-Haired Warrior, A Raven-Haired Child [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764406
Comments: 16
Kudos: 297





	A Misshapen Mask

**Author's Note:**

  * For [arthursfate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arthursfate/gifts), [Navilyn1209](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navilyn1209/gifts).



> Yes, I've decided to make this a series! I was in a Merlin mood today, so this happened. I hope you all enjoy this one! Thank you to everyone for the kudos, comments, and hits on the last part of this series. This is dedicated to arthursfate and Navilyn1209 who both wanted more content based on this AU. Thank you both for the encouragement! <3

Merlin rolled his shoulders back slowly, letting the movement ease sore muscles after a long night and too few hours of sleep. A sigh left his lips as his shoulders hunched forward again, the warlock gripping the edge of his bed tightly as he stared down at the floorboards, teeth grit in anger and frustration aimed toward himself.

He’d let his mask slip. It had been doing so for a while, though, hadn’t it? He’d felt it happening for a couple years now. How his flawlessly constructed mask was sliding off in tiny increments as Merlin started to lose himself more and more to violence. With each tragedy he suffered, each life he’d taken, each person that Morgana had killed, his face hardened, his jaw set, and the skin around his eyes tightened until finally his mask no longer conformed to his face. The night before was merely the last inch it had taken for his mask to slip off entirely.

And now the others knew what he was. A killer. Someone with blood on his hands. So much of it innocent blood. People that Cenred targeted to help himself gain power, rather than to protect his kingdom.

It felt like he’d been stripped bare and thrown into the streets, vulnerable and naked for all to see. It made him sick, a feeling of shame and humiliation roiling in his stomach, heavy and nauseating.

A soft tremor traveled through his body, Merlin’s hands shaking as he covered his face. What was he going to do now? How was he going to be Merlin like this? Merlin was supposed to be happy, no matter what. He was the one who always looked on the brighter side of things, who had a smart, sassy comeback at the ready for any given occasion. The pure embodiment of joy.

But he didn’t feel like Merlin now.

He felt like a man of another name, someone that he hadn’t allowed himself to be in years.

He huffed softly at the thought, knowing that he’d never really been anyone but that killer.

He rolled his shoulders again, imagining the look of the ink under his skin flexing with the movement. No, he’d never actually been Merlin at all. It was all a lie. A deception he’d tricked even himself into believing.

The man hauled his body off the bed, stepping over to the washbasin and pouring in some water that he heated with a flash of golden eyes. He splashed the warm water in his face, quickly rinsing off the dried salt of last night’s tears. He patted his face dry with a towel and glanced at the small looking glass hung on the wall.

He smiled, feeling the way his skin cracked around the broken imitation. His mask didn’t fit anymore, but that wouldn’t stop him from wearing it.

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count - 474. It's very short, but there will be more to come, I promise! Let me know what you guys think, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Also, I have to title this series, so I want opinions if you'd be so kind to give them. What should I name the series? 1) A Raven-Haired Warrior or 2) The Raven-Haired Child.
> 
> Come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://ohanahoku-ao3.tumblr.com/) :D


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